


I don't wanna hurt

by Wolkje25



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, M/M, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6839725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolkje25/pseuds/Wolkje25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Aaron hears Gordon has died in prison, Aaron is scared Robert had something to do with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I don't wanna hurt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my take on what might happen after last night's episode of 12-05-2016.

He heard the backdoor being opened and a moment later Robert appeared in the doorway. Aaron noticed Cain and Chas shared a look and Robert froze in the doorway when three pair of eyes landed on him. “What’s wrong. What happened?” he asked worried, frowning lightly.

Aaron couldn’t get the words over his mouth, didn’t want to accuse Robert of anything. He didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to know if his thoughts were true. But it was Chas who started speaking and Robert’s eyes darted from him to Chas’ face. “We don’t want to accuse you of anything here, Robert. We just want to know.”

“Know what?” Robert asked, his frown deepening as his eyes darted from Chas to Aaron and back. Aaron wasn’t able to look at him, didn’t want to talk about it like this. But the decision was made for him. 

“Did you get Gordon killed?” Cain spoke bluntly, his eyes not wavering from Robert’s face. 

Robert’s mouth opened to give a reply, until the words sank in and an astonished look appeared on his face. Aaron could feel Robert’s eyes burning into his skin, still Aaron couldn’t make himself look up. 

“Do you believe I’ve done this?” Robert finally spoke, his voice so hurt it carved into Aaron’s heart, and in that moment he realized he had been wrong and Robert didn’t do it. But it was too late to take it back now, the damage had already been done. 

“Like I said, we are not accusing you of anything. We are just asking,” Chas commented, sounding like she wanted to reason with Robert, probably knowing where this was going to end.

“Aaron?”

Finally, Aaron made himself look up, couldn’t do anything else. As his eyes met Robert’s he knew Robert read the quilt there and he knew Robert would grasp he had been thinking the same thing as his mother and uncle had been thinking.

“You really do believe I could’ve done this,” Robert said, his voice astonished, the look in his eyes was the most painful thing he had ever seen. It like was like Robert broke down in front of him, his eyes so hurt, Aaron couldn’t do nothing more than to look away. 

“We will give you a moment,” Chas mumbled, before she and Cain disappeared to the front of the pub. 

“I can’t believe you could even think I could do something like this, after everything,” Robert’s voice wavered slightly and Aaron knew he had hurt Robert in the most terrible way. Robert was still looking at him with a shocked expression on his face, as if he couldn’t comprehend what was happening. 

xXx

Robert felt terrible. It felt like his throat had locked up, so he couldn’t breathe properly. He read it in Aaron’s eyes, the guilt, the doubt, the accusation. And it was too much to take, it was too much to deal with. He turned around and reached for the door, his hand wrapping around the door handle. 

“Robert, wait!” Aaron exclaimed and he heard some moving behind him. “Don’t go.”

Robert hand gripped tighter around the door handle, his other hand leaning against the wall. His chest tightened and tears welled up in his eyes. He hadn’t been this hurt in ages, couldn’t even remember the last time. He would give anything right now if he could just be strong enough to walk out of that door, needing the air so desperately. But the desperation in Aaron’s voice, made his hand clench into a fist and his heart ache even more. Even though he really wanted to, he couldn’t leave when Aaron sounded like that. Which proved once again, he was in way too deep. 

“I love you,” he heard Aaron mumble behind him and those words made Robert’s heart contract even more painfully as a tear fell down his face. He wiped it away, not willing for Aaron to see him cry, not now. He had waited so long to hear those words from Aaron. But now they just hurt more than any other word could have done.

He took in a deep breath and turned around, his eyes landing on Aaron. “It’s not enough.” His voice sounded rough, his emotions a complete mess.

Aaron bit his lower lip, burying his hands in pockets. “So what now? You’re just gonna leave me?” Robert heard the hurt in Aaron’s voice and he hated that, even though Aaron had hurt him, Robert felt even worse because Aaron was hurt as well. But a small, selfish part of him was glad about it, even enjoyed it, that part knew Aaron deserved to be just as hurt about this as he was.

“I don’t know what else you want from me,” Robert pointed out, his voice suddenly sounding harsher, than moments before: “Do you even want to be with me? Because as far as I can see, it seems like you don’t really need me.”

“What’ya mean?” Aaron’s voice wavered and he frowned his forehead in confusion. 

“Well, you’ve got Liv now, don’t you?” Robert stated, the anger and hurt of always being put last by Aaron flickering up inside of him. “And you are officially a Dingle now. So you sure as hell don’t need me. And now you accusing me of killing your father! Do you have any idea how much that hurts me?!” He knew he was yelling the last words, but his temper had gotten the better of him and he sure as hell wasn’t going to apologize for it. Not right now, not after Aaron accused him of this. 

Aaron just stared at him a hurtful expression on his face. “So is that where it is really about, me not choosing you over my family?”

“No, this is about you and me,” Robert spoke out, his jaw clenched as he tried to fight the hurt building up inside his chest with every spoken word. “You can’t just decide when I am part of your family and when I am not. You want me there the whole time, or you don’t.”

“Of course I want you,” Aaron said, but something in his voice made Robert doubt his words, so he just shook his head, feeling defeated, not knowing how he could stop losing Aaron, wondering that maybe he already had. “I can’t do this. I can’t be with you if you don’t trust me.”

“But I do!” Aaron exclaimed and Robert wondered who he was trying to convince of that, him or himself, realizing Robert didn’t know the answer, made Robert feel cold to the bone. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” he replied, and he couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“Yes, I doubted you,” Aaron confessed: “But can you really blame me. After everything you’ve done.”

Aaron’s words untangled something deep inside of Robert, something deep and ugly and before he could stop himself he was lashing out: “I try to be good for you! I try to change for you! But it’s still not good enough! I am still not good enough for you, am I?!”

“Of course you are!” Aaron cried out. 

“Then why would you accuse me of this?! I don’t just go around killing people! I thought you knew me better than that. How can you even think for a split second I could do something like that, knowing how much that would hurt you?!”

xXx

Aaron bit his lip, not knowing what to say, realizing how true Robert’s words were. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. Aaron was starting to feel worse every passing second. Robert was right, he never should have doubted him. 

“After everything I’ve done for you the last few months, I think I deserve a little more credit than this,” Robert stated, his eyes burning with unshed tears and Aaron’s heart clenched. Aaron felt like crying. His stomach lurched every time he looked into Robert’s direction and he felt terrible, for doubting him, for letting the things that happened in the past cloud his judgement. But he had and he needed Robert to know that, he needed for Robert to understand him. He couldn’t lose him, not now, not ever.

“Just because I forgave you for everything you’ve done, doesn’t mean I can just forget about it. Katie, what you did to Paddy. I know what you are capable of, I know what you would do to protect me. I know you love me and you will do anything for me. That includes killing someone for me. And that scares me so much, Robert.”

Robert’s face filled with despair and Aaron knew Robert knew his words had been true. “I’m sorry,” Robert said, his voice small, as if he wasn’t sure how to react to Aaron’s words, what to do with them.

Aaron just shook his head and replied: “You don’t have to say sorry. I do. For doubting you.”

Robert’s eyes softened just a bit, even though the turmoil was still there and Aaron felt a flicker of hope Robert would be able to understand. “I told you before, I am not that man anymore,” Robert said, his voice still filled with hurt. 

“I know. I believe you,” Aaron said, his voice honest.

“Do you?” Robert asked, as if he was doubting every word Aaron was speaking at the moment. 

“I know you, I know what you did and who you are and sometimes I am afraid you are still the old you,” Aaron stated quietly and the moment he spoke the words, he read the pain and despair in Robert’s eyes, so he continued as fast as he could, needing for Robert to hear his next words. “But that doesn’t mean for a second that I don’t want you, that I don’t want to be with you. With every single part of you.” 

Robert took a deep breath as if he was trying to brace himself, to calm himself.

Aaron took a small step forwards. He looked up to Robert, needing for him to hear him. Robert’s eyes locked with his and Aaron spoke, his voice sincere: “I know I was wrong to doubt you. I’m sorry.”

Robert kept looking at Aaron and Aaron started to feel uncomfortable under Robert’s staring gaze, as if he was looking for something, trying to read Aaron. Eventually he spoke, his voice rough, but quiet at the same time: “Okay.”

Aaron’s eyes widened in surprise, and he felt like he hadn’t heard Robert right, felt like he must’ve dreamed it. “Okay?” he mumbled, hearing the hope in his own voice. 

Robert smiled a sad, but warm smile. “Yeah, okay.”

Aaron took another cautious step forwards, closing the gap between them and just stood there in front of Robert. It felt a bit awkward, but when Aaron looked up into Robert’s eyes, he could read it there, Robert asking him to make the first move. And Aaron understood, knowing Robert couldn’t, not right now, not after what just happened. But Aaron also knew, Robert needed it, just as much as he needed it. 

So Aaron took another small step forwards and buried his face against Robert’s chest, his fingers tangling in the fabric on Robert’s back. Robert’s arms draped around him a moment later, pulling Aaron into him. Robert buried his head in the crook of Aaron’s neck and just sighed. Aaron could feel Robert leaning into him and he realized this hug was more for Robert’s comfort than for his own and for the first time in ages it felt like he was there for Robert instead of the other way around, as it had been for months. 

Aaron closed his eyes and realized he never asked Robert how it had been for him, how hard it must’ve been for him to just always be there for him and never asking for anything in return. And in that moment Aaron realized how caught up he had been in his own life and had forgot Robert as a person, with feelings and thoughts. He had been taking him for granted. He vowed to never let that happen again.

Robert was the one who pulled back in the end. He lay his forehead against Aaron’s for a moment, as they both just breathed, before Robert pulled away to look Aaron in the eyes. “We need to talk about things, Aaron. You can’t shut me out. You need to talk to me when something is on your mind. I don’t know if I can handle this a second time. So if anything is bothering you, please talk to me.”

Aaron nodded, had heard the urgency in Robert’s voice. “I will.”

Robert’s eyes didn’t waver from Aaron’s as he spoke: “I mean it, Aaron. If we want this to work, you need to learn and talk to me. I know you need to learn how to trust me, and I am trying to be better, I am. But I need for you to let me in.”

“I know,” Aaron replied, earnestly. “And you need to talk to me just as well.”

Robert smiled sheepishly. “I know.”

xXx

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Aaron mumbled as he looked up at Robert, needing for Robert to hear the words.

“I know,” Robert replied sincerely and the relieve Aaron felt by that tone of voice was enormous, he had been so afraid he had lost Robert for good. 

“I love you, you know that right?” Aaron mumbled softly, his eyes not wavering from Robert’s, needing for Robert to know he meant it, that he was speaking the truth. 

Robert smiled, his eyes lightning up. “Wow, twice in one day. It must be my lucky day.”

Aaron smiled lightly back at him, carefully, not sure if he was allowed to smile right now. “Must be.”

“Can you forgive me for getting rid of that letter?” Robert suddenly asked cautiously.

Aaron nodded his head without having to think about it. “Yeah, I can.”

Robert smiled again and Aaron looked up at him with an open, but worried expression on his face. “Are we gonna be okay?” he asked, his voice rough, wavering lightly.

Robert’s eyes locked with his and Robert nodded, his voice not more than a whisper: “Yeah. Yeah, we will be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you think!  
> This is not been proofread, so any mistakes are my own!


End file.
